The Safe Spaces Podcast is here, alive and well, operating despite lockdowns and stay-at-home orders, and ready to help keep away the mainstream media blues that have most of the nation in a pandemic panic. That’s not us – because we’re safely behind miles of silicon and microphones. We’re the real heroes here, and don’t you forget it.

Coronavirus? What coronavirus? We don’t need no stinking coronavirus. The nasty COVID-19 disease that’s causing so much trouble may be spreading ‘round the world, but that doesn’t mean it has to ruin your day. Or week. Or month. Our intrepid hosts do their best to assuage your fears, lighten the mood, and keep spirits up during this time of international angst and uncertainty.

It’s simple: don’t panic, keep your news viewing to an absolute minimum, stay off social media (unless you absolutely, positively need to), and don’t hoard toilet paper. We really mean that last one – toilet paper isn’t a food. Buying crates of TP isn’t just a waste of money, it’s also very, very stupid.

Speaking of stupid, don’t trust anyone calling themselves an “influencer”, even in the best of times. This wretched, utterly worthless title has proven itself to be even more worthless during the recent pandemic as we’ve seen the rise of the despicable “Coronavirus Challenge”, where idiots dare themselves to catch the virus by licking toilet seats, retail shelves, subway poles and anything else they can lap their tongues onto.

It’s pretty gross, and we’re not surprised to see these genetic aberrations beginning to – surprise! – actually become infected. It’s rare to see Social Darwinism in real time, but that’s what happens when you value “viral” fame over common sense and intelligence. That’s the Coronavirus Challenge™ for you; where else can you win by losing?

Don’t be like Larz – don’t lick toilets.

So you’re not a mental case and still want to have a little fun at home? How are you gonna beat those quarantine blues? Distractions, distractions, distractions! In this case, that probably means getting back to those stacks of neglected games and whittling down those unwatched queues on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and/or whatever other streaming service tickles your fancy. We’ve got special treat (courtesy of our Popzara friends) for those who need a little guidance in their game-playing and movie-watching habits. Enjoy!

Special thanks to rapper Gmac Cash and his unironically viral hit “Coronavirus” – it’s truly the anthem of the pandemic.