It’s the Safe Spaces Podcast – now serving Episode 72! For those keeping track, that’s one higher than Arnold Schwarzenegger (aged 71) and one less than Sylvester Stallone (aged 73). We’re like the world’s ugliest Goldilocks…not too young, not too old, but just right where we need to be. For now.

Speaking of Stallone, did you hear the Oscar-nominated actor (!) has a new movie out? And it’s the third in a surprise action trilogy nobody knew they wanted? That’s right: Escape Plan: The Extractors is finally here, minus Schwarzenegger once again. But hey, at least you’ve got Dave Bautista! That’s got to count for something.

Maybe you’ve heard about the earthquakes that’ve been shaking the great state of California in recent times? Seems like wherever our Safe Space hosts go, natural disasters seem to follow. Oh well, as long as God (or the gods) keep one step behind them, expect more episodic free-speech bliss like this in the future…though know that Death comes for us all, eventually. For those listeners in the Golden State, stay safe (zing!) and remember that open doorways are your friends when things get shaky.

Here’s a public service announcement that nobody should have to make: don’t lick ice cream that doesn’t belong to you. And don’t lick ice cream and then put it back on store shelves, leaving innocents to ingest your nasty bodily fluids. That does for mouthwash, candy, chips, cookies or any other food or medicinal product that doesn’t belong to you. Whether real or fake, even the slightest chance of social media fame/infamy seem to turn otherwise mediocre losers into crazed fame-whores, a trend that isn’t likely to end anytime soon.

From Ariana Grande’s infamous donut-licking to tampering with pain killers our hosts walk through decades of similar (and similarly-stupid) stunts, and massive new legislation designed to keep people safe. Will the recent glut of idiots defiling food products lead to similar measures, including the possibility of removing offenders from their precious internet outlets? We should be so lucky, but our hosts discuss how even something as banal as ice-cream licking has unintended consequences on individuals and groups that have little to do with the actual offending, such as the LGBTQ community.

Congratulations to the US Women’s Soccer team for scoring their fourth World Cup victory be defeating the Netherlands 2-0 last week. In what should have been a victory of sportsmanship and athleticism by one of the world’s great sports franchises has instead devolved – as such things often do – into pettiness and squabbles over sexism, patriotism, and the long-debunked “pay gap” between the ladies and men’s teams. Truth be told, our hosts hesitated to wade into the debate – largely because soccer is, generally, incredibly boring – but also because those arguing the issues do so in bad faith.

Much like the topic of White House crowd sizes, there doesn’t seem to be any common ground between either side, regardless of reality, science, facts or even basic logic. This is the world we’ve created, one in which we’re all free to “live our own truth.” Fantasy Land.

In other sad – yet totally expected – news: Mad Magazine has announced it will no longer be creating new content after 67 years in publication. Yes, the monthly magazine of fun and frivolity that emerged from the ashes of 1950s comic book censorship will instead transition to a “best of” periodical instead. In an age when online listicles and the real news has become a joke, this almost makes sense…but there’s no doubt a world without Alfred E. Newman is a lesser world indeed. Yes, we’re worried.

But since the magazine will instead be relying on its substantial back catalog of outstanding content, it’s a great time to get to know the talent behind its nearly 70-year history of laughs and comic funnies. Wiki has a great ready-made list just waiting for your clicks, which you can find RIGHT HERE!